Guide to Flirting - Page 3

Betong · 08-13-2007, 09:37 AM

I want to married by the end of this yr. Issit ok to flirt after married or I just have to satisfied with what I have now???? Just curious what others thinking.....

tangawizi · 08-13-2007, 12:15 PM

I dunno Betong, why flirt with others when you can flirt with your wife more often, in fact, 24-7-365???? :11200:

Okay, guide continues...

How to flirt

The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your 'target' knows that you find him or her interesting and attractive, he or she will be more inclined to like you.

Although this simple fact has been demonstrated in countless studies and experiments, you don't really need scientists to prove it. You already know that when you are told someone fancies you, or hear that someone has praised or admired you, your interest in that person automatically increases – even if it is someone you have never met!

Conveying that you like someone, and judging whether or not the attraction is mutual, clearly involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills.

When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the 'chatting-up', the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non-verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation.

When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.

Also, their non-verbal signals will tell you much more about their feelings towards you than the words they use. We show attitudes such as liking and disliking not by what we say but by the way we say it and the posture, gestures and expressions that accompany our speech.

The customary polite greeting "pleased to meet you", for example, can convey anything from 'I find you really attractive' to 'I am not the slightest bit interested in you', depending on the tone of voice, facial expression, position and posture of the speaker.
Non-verbal flirting

When a man and a woman meet for the first time, both are in a difficult, ambiguous and potentially risky situation. Neither person knows what the other's intentions and feelings are. Because stating intentions and feelings verbally involves a high risk of embarrassment or possible rejection, non-verbal behaviour becomes the main channel of communication. Unlike the spoken word, body language can signal invitation, acceptance or refusal without being too obvious, without causing offence or making binding commitments.

Warning: some of the non-verbal flirting techniques outlined in this section are very powerful signals, and should be used with caution. Women should be particularly careful when using signals of interest and attraction. Men already tend to mistake friendliness for flirting; if your signals of interest are too direct and obvious, they will mistake them for sexual availability.

Eye contact

Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter.

Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all.

This is very good news for anyone wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger. Even from across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target's gaze for more than one second (not too much more, though, or you will seem threatening). If your target maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest. If after this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.

If, on the other hand, your target avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does not look back again, you should probably assume that your interest is not returned. There is still the possibility that your target is just a very shy person – and some females may be understandably wary of signalling any interest in male strangers. The only way to find out is by close observation of your target's behaviour towards others. Does she consistently avoid direct eye-contact with men? Does he seem nervous, anxious or aloof in his interactions with other women? If so, your target's reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing personal, and it might be worth approaching, but only with considerable caution.

Once you have approached your target, you will need to make eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation. As soon as your eyes meet, you may begin to speak. Once a conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be broken as the speaker looks away. In conversations, the person who is speaking looks away more than the person who is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.

So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, you then look back at your target again. To show interest while your target is speaking, you need to look at his/her face about three-quarters of the time, in glances lasting between one and seven seconds. The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and direct eye contact will be intermittent, rarely lasting more than one second. When your target has finished speaking, and expects a response, he or she will look at you and make brief eye contact again to indicate that it is your turn.

The basic rules for pleasant conversation are: glance at the other person's face more when you are listening, glance away more when you are speaking and make brief eye contact to initiate turn-taking. The key words here are 'glance' and 'brief': avoid prolonged staring either at the other person or away.

The most common mistake people make when flirting is to overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase intimacy. This only makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. Some men also blow their chances by carrying on a conversation with a woman's breasts, rather than looking at her face. (hahahaha.lolz!)

FlipCom · 08-22-2007, 07:00 PM

i think 'flirting' is defined mostly as an obvious act...i do mine on the sly. wrap it in the conversation make it natural. but hey to each his own.

tangawizi · 09-01-2007, 05:20 AM

huh? please elaborate how u flirt on the sly??? don't u give out signals with your body as well??

FlipCom · 09-05-2007, 07:10 AM

well some guys make it so obvious that you're trying to get in their panties. i mean dumb lines, obvious flattery...i mean you know the whole shebangibang. i mean i usually say hi get to talk before you ask her name, couple of smiles and let her drive the conversation you mostly listen and make small jokes and make her feel comfortable. make it like its a friendly conversation that she could leave if she feels uninterested or too much. tell her something funny something cute and innocent but relevant and smart. they like that. i mean the usual guys probably get quick response to girls who want to bang 'em...such girls who respond to quick obvious ones are girls who are looking for penis are quickly noted or weeded out from those who are a little harder to get, not necessarily but often times more classy. if you're looking to find a friend or 'future endeavors' perhaps than a wham-bam-thank-you-very-much-m'am. not so much an elitism, but i like the fun of the chase, a peck on the cheek than doing the nasty. i mean i'm not saying such tactics wouldn't lead you, oh probably it's actually better in securing bedroom rights (they see you less as a pig and more a harmless character...the car salesman effect) and you get more when you leave a social event than just something physical. i guess you could call it 'james bond' over 'hugh hefner'. it's the angles it's the art, not just the outcome. do you somehow understand it?

tangawizi · 09-05-2007, 05:34 PM

i dunno why flippo, but i get dis thing that you tend to talk too much on dates... do u do that alot???

guess what, spanish guys like to flirt by telling funny and dirty jokes non-stop, hahahaah!!! dat's how i fell for my bf!

FlipCom · 09-05-2007, 07:58 PM

Quote:

i dunno why flippo, but i get dis thing that you tend to talk too much on dates... do u do that alot???

guess what, spanish guys like to flirt by telling funny and dirty jokes non-stop, hahahaah!!! dat's how i fell for my bf!
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wow well uh...what does that say? :10300:

lostnexposed · 09-05-2007, 09:26 PM

LOL!!!! yeah..I bet he runs his mouth alot!

FlipCom · 09-06-2007, 12:58 AM

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LOL!!!! yeah..I bet he runs his mouth alot!
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oh just enough to lather sweetums...(jk) but you would like that. :10900:

no no no. did you read what i wrote, speak... but most importantly listen. of course it'd be mighty boring if you don't. you gotta entertain ala suave speech. but you gotta her to respond to it too. but i don't like that whole 'dammmmn showty you iz hot, you gots tons of right stuff working for yeah' shock and awe shoot 'em up. i mean i guess it works for a lot of guys. i just like it better that if the hook up didn't work out, you wouldn't have the girl see you in the future as 'just like the other guys'.

tangawizi · 09-06-2007, 07:11 AM

Quote:

wow well uh...what does that say? :10300:
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dat sometimes talking alot of funny crap works...instead of the suave one liners..

hahaha!