ricochet

It was the first day of school in America, and a new
student name Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the
fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
American History.
Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry,
1775" he said.
"Very good. Who said 'Government of the People, by the
People, for the People, shall not
perish from the
Earth'?"
Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should
be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our
country, knows more about its history than you
do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand up: "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm
gonna
puke."
The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now,
who said that?"
Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!"
Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand
and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica
Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You
little shit. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his
voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around
the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit,
we're f**ked!"
And Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq ,
2005."

aditya_kumar

:10802050:

ricochet

A businessman sends his wife a fax:

"To my dear wife:
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you at 54
years can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a
good wife. Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not
wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my
18 year old secretary in the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining-room
table:

"My dear husband:
I received your fax and thank you for your honesty.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54
years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be in the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis partner,
who like your secretary is also 18 years old.
As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of maths,
you will understand that we are in the same situation... although with
one small difference: 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 into 18...
And therefore I won't be back before lunchtime tomorrow !

FlipCom

Once upon a time there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French".

__________________
http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/fish.jpg

aditya_kumar

:11200: what is funny?.......u americans cant live without condemning the french.....

FlipCom

come on dude its a joke. plus it's not just Americans who poke fun at the froggies, also plus it's the same way around: the french can't live without condemning the Americans...not that they don't do it to everything else including their own government and selves. come on it's the french uh? they exist in that special niche called funny. very very special people.

__________________
http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/fish.jpg

ricochet

thambi...loosen up la...inside this thread also wanna be serious...laugh a bit is the best medicine

here's some more

If you read the survey below carried out by a lady from Osram, you can
understand why married men don't need to keep their Encyclopaedias after
marriage....



Men and Women

1. Tests have shown that women rate 3% higher in general intelligence
than men, although their brain size is smaller. Most women act dumb to
make their mates look good.

2. Women are walking radar detectors, that is why men have difficulty
lying to women. Their brains have the ability to integrate and decipher
verbal, visual and other signals of body language. Hence women will
always be safe when faking an orgasm.

3. Women want lots of sex with the man she loves. Men just want lots of
sex.

4. When men flirt, they will lower their pitch of voice. Women will
raise theirs.

5. Women talk and think aloud while men do them silently. As a result,
men think women talk too much and are nags.

6. Women talk about their problems as a way of relieving stress. She
wants to be heard, not fixed by being offered advice and solutions.

7. Speech and words are not a specific brain skill for men. They find it
hard to express themselves. That's why they often choose greeting cards
with plenty of words inside. That way, there's less space for them to
write.

8. Women leave men, not because they are unhappy with what he can
provide,but because they are emotionally unfulfilled.

9. Women uses an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds, and
gestures a day. Men only use about 7,000.

10. So if a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. But if she's
not talking, you're in trouble.

11. Men are more thick-skinned than women. Literally. which explains why
women have more wrinkles than men. Boys lose their sensitivity to touch
by the time they reach puberty. So where does all that sensitivity go?
It all goes to just one area!

12. If a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can't concentrate on
her work. If a man is unhappy at work, he can't focus on his
relationship.

13. Men can only do one thing at a time. When they stop their car to
read a street directory, they have to turn down the radio. Women's
brains are configured for multi-tasking performance. They can talk on
the phone, watch the TV and cook at the same time.

14. Most men get a brain haemorrhage after 20 minutes of clothes
shopping.

15. When it comes to sex, women need a reason; men need a place.

16. 15% to 20% of men have feminised brains. About 10% of women have
masculinised brains. So there are more gays than lesbians in the world.

17. Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to
see a man enjoying himself. Men like the lights on - so they can get the
woman's name right.

ricochet

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is
my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom
of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon
began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line
Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a

brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of
the three said, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes
of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a
disappointment. " The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my
son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two
weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a
brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

ricochet

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband
died.
But she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord,
they're finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you
think he means her first, second, or third husband?

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs"

FlipCom

^hahaha.

A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the f*****g safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your f*****g head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......

"Not that f*****g difficult is it?" he says

__________________
http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/fish.jpg