ricochet

Share a laugh!


DON'T LOOK AT A NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Because my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!


NAMES OF WIVES
A man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife.... Baby doll
3rd wife.... China doll
2nd wife.... Barbie doll
1st wife.... Panadol


HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "Is it in dear?"


RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!


ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
"Your name please?"
"Abdul Aziz"
"Sex?"
"Six times a week!!"
"No, no, I mean male or female!"
"Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel!"


SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service.


HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy.
and... Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"


SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.


GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Because its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.


DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."


VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die.
Wanted her tombstone to read: BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"


OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr old girl.
On their first night both were crying. Why???
Because she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.

ricochet

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a
very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a
faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a
divorce straight away!"

And he replied:
"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to
me!"

And he began:
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here
asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took
pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not
well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I
brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night,
the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The
poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was
doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that
you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too
tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,
which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like
them.."

He took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to
the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said
"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?''

ricochet

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured
she would break him of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic
session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband
was holding a battery operated pleasure device ... a vibrator ... soft,
wonderful and larger than a real one. She goes completely ballistic. 'You
impotent fake,' she screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of
these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy ... if you explain the kids.'

ricochet

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.





Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of
condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

ricochet

Have a great Weekend folks ....






Balance Sheet of Life


Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.


Some very good and very bad things
The most destructive habit....... ......... ......Worry
The greatest Joy......... ......... ......... ....Giving
The greatest loss........ ........Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work........ ....... Helping others
The ugliest personality trait....... ......Selfishness
The most endangered species..... ....Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource.... ......... .. Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'........ ..Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.... ......... ....Fear
The most effective sleeping pill........ Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..... ....... Excuses
The most powerful force in life........ ......... .Love
The most dangerous person...... ......... ... A gossiper
The world's most inc redible computer.... ....The brain
The worst thing to be without..... ......... ..... Hope
The deadliest weapon...... ......... ........The tongue
The two most power filled words....... ........'I Can'
The greatest asset....... ......... ......... ..... Faith
The most worthless emotion..... ......... ....Self- pity
The most beautiful attire...... ......... ....... SMILE!
The most prized possession.. ......... .....Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication. ....Prayer
The most contagious spirit...... ......... .. Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life........ ......... .Almighty
GOD




Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones
surround us every day